October 27, 2002 at 10:56 pm #45193
It’s 2:00 am on a Saturday morning, I have to be at work by 9:00. But instead of sleeping peacfully i’m busy throwing up into the toilet of a guy I don’t know terribly well. I have just entered the true world of college life, and all I had to do was subvert the principals myself, most of my family, and Ian McKaye worked so hard to establish.
It all started Friday afternoon. I was at the apartment of Steve and Kelvin, two guys in my math class. Steve’s a pretty damn good guitarist and I’ve been jamming on Pixies songs with him (on upright!). Steve and Kelvin wanted me to go to a party with them, I relented on the condtion that there was going to be some very hot ladies in minimalist halloween costumes (as there were). They also agreed to share there weed, which I’ve been wanting to try.
We went to some austrailian guy named "Rico’s" house first, he was doing the beer shopping. I had had a bit more than 1/3rd of a joint on the way over, so I, guiltily, had a beer to help resolve the infamous "kottonmouth" syndrome. We played a quick game of "fuck the dealer" and went to the party.
The Party was, in a word, big, there was 30-50 people at this house, and all of the women were hot, the music was terrible dance shit though. I wasn’t feeling anything off the beer or the weed, so I had a few more, and some pinch hits of J. And then everything kicked in at once.
I was sitting on the couch in the basment, sharing some makers mark, and a vodka/sunkist mixture with Rico, some guy I had in another math class, and a very hot cave girl, when the room started moving, and the chrismas lights looked all stringy, god it was weird. I was just sitting on the couch, with one hand on the cavegirls thigh, feeling slightly sick. Then the cops came and I had to leave with everybody.
To somebody else’s house, where I got to talk to a sexy German exchange student, she was as drunk as I was, so it wasn’t exactly sparkling discourse. But she didn’t mind my hitting on her, or feeling her until my hand went up her skirt. Which she protested, but didn’t exactly kick my ass.
The worst part of everything is that I was still there. Some part of me was still consious saying "Malcman, you’re above this, you’re smater than this! What are you doing?" I don’t know if this is normal, but I remember that I make a pretty damn depressing drunk, I could never really escape myself.
The other bad part is that I was to scared to crash at Steve’s place, like I should have. Instead I opted to drive myself home. The scariest drive ever.October 27, 2002 at 11:33 pm #72338
Drunk driving BAD.
Malky, do you feel you have to do this stuff to win/keep friends?
Let me clue you in on two things. First, girls are attracted to guys who are individuals, not followers. So maybe you could forego the gratuitous substance abuse, and try to prove to these girls how smart and creative you are before you go trying to cop a feel.
Second, friendships that are glued together with pot and alcohol rarely evolve into anything but more pot and alcohol. I hope you don’t feel so obligated to fit in that you make yourself sick and sad.
‘College life’ is a myth because college itself is completely insular and isolated from the rest of society. You have pre-paid housing, a meal plan, on-campus supply stores, and a bunch of teenagers living together in lockdown. College does everything for the student short of wiping his ass, and I found it a particularly difficult adjustment to make, especially since I took a year off after high school first. It was so tidy that it was suffocating, and my fellow students were a bunch of spoiled brats who spent all their parents’ money on pot. My roommate was one of these people, and she was constantly tagging along with the popular kids and selling herself short just to keep company. It was actually really sad.
I fought really hard to carve out my own little niche, even though it was difficult. I couldn’t bring myself to get into the party scene because in my heart I knew it held absolutely nothing for me. I liked more intimate, one-on-one friendships; more conversation; more sophisticated rebellion. I didn’t compromise my interests or my habits, and even though I didn’t make a plethora of friends I did make two very close ones with whom I’m still in touch.
I’m not trying to lecture you, or tell you what to do. Some people need to ‘experiment’, or whatever, when they go to college. It’s really interesting to examine the different ways that people act out once they leave the nest. But ultimately, I do think that if you go with your heart you will feel much, much better in the long run.
I consider you a friend and I don’t like to see my friends self-destruct. And I’m leaving this post because you seem like you had a miserable time, and I feel bad about that.
Just remember that the best artists have always been the ones who didn’t compromise. Even if it costs them popularity as children, they are the ones who go on to shape our culture.
So there, a little nugget of Rosa wisdom.
Good luck, & take care,
rOctober 28, 2002 at 12:14 am #72339
i concur with Rosa malc, especially DRUNK DRIVING–BAD, individuality–GOOD. take my word on the drunk driving tip; i am currently on house arrest for such an indiscretion, and trust me, IT SUCKS.October 28, 2002 at 12:54 am #72340
I am with Rosa as well. Perhaps some comparison model is needed here. I hope you don’t get the impression that sanctity and personal harmony with those around you, in love, lust or friendship, will be all it can be with the addition of the social "lubricants".
I do not regret my lessons, though. What I figured was an awakening became narcotic, captivating, and bound. Consequence itself proved to be the key needed to free myself from the weight of my misconceptions. I never had any idea that what I did was wrong, or out of the ordinary. Everyone I knew did these things, yet no one I knew was really happy with how they felt about themselves or where their life was going. Determination to find that path of comfort and wisdom led me to many extremes, all useful in their own baggage-carrying ways. I cannot sat that I would have truly been happier or satisfied if I had abstained during your age. I didn’t so no regrets. However, you may find the chance to see for yourself differences in emotional control, tolerance of the world that must be stopped at times, and achievements, versus the dream of these things, along with the misery abuses can bring.
Live and let live,
TomOctober 28, 2002 at 1:43 am #72341
</font><blockquote><font>quote:</font><hr><font>Everyone I knew did these things, yet no one I knew was really happy with how they felt about themselves or where their life was going. </font><hr></blockquote><font>Exactly. That’s the one thing I forgot to point out- everyone who gets caught up in this thinks that everyone else is enjoying himself. And the people who appear to be setting the trend are actually themselves just following along out of fear, or legitimate addiction.
It’s up to you to break the chain, Malc!! <img> Do you want a bunch of un-friendships based on pretention, or a small number of vivid relationships based on truth? I’ve seen a lot of people really struggle with that; am here any time you want to talk, if you trust me.
p.s. I’m not saying to abstain from everything; just make sure that you’re not engaging in them for the wrong reasons.October 28, 2002 at 2:25 am #72342
Those people are zombies, Malcome…
Don’t do it Malcom…
DON’T BE A ZOMBIE!!! <img>
<img>October 28, 2002 at 10:32 am #72343
Malcom, I’d party ’till my boobs’d fall to the floor (they already are…) but I have decided that I do not want to become a corpse (mainly because I have a physically demanding day job, a huge debt, and no more free beer or concert tickets . All (or most) of my friends party hardcore (mainly because they are Polish;it’s in their blood), but you Malcom, have your whole life ahead of you. Do not drink and drive. Party if you feel it’s right, but don’t get too involved… Do your own thing, just like Rosa said.October 28, 2002 at 12:09 pm #72344
Long Distance DrunkParticipant
Despite what the Pietasters tell me, drinkin’ & drivin’ is not so much fun. Anyway, I drank 6 nights a week in college, and was stoned all of the time. Really wasn’t too much to do, but I do still keep in touch with many of my college drinkin’ & druggin’ buddies, even though most of us are much clearer these days. Nothing wrong with trying some weed and beer, but be careful. Oh yeah, don’t mix herb and beer until you get more practice, if ever.October 28, 2002 at 1:19 pm #72345
and don’t have beer before liquor either.October 28, 2002 at 4:05 pm #72346
Shooters, beer, Tanqueray & Tonic all in the same nite will kill you every time…be careful, I am speaking from experience <img>
I think more than a few of us have ended up on the bathroom floor at a strangers place <img> Not a place you want to be, not fun, not cool, & definitely not the time to get up and drive home!!! Call someone, take a cab, walk don’t run, but don’t drive, somebody else could pay for your mistake!!!
I’ve had similar experiences to a lot mentioned here, never groped anyone though, been on the other side of that situation…not charming, even when done by a charming drunk <img> All for getting out there, achieving an altered state can be fun every now and then. Some people, like Rosa said, do it for the wrong reasons, I have some friends who have spiralled down into too much junky business, drug zombies…such a shame!!!
Bottom line, take some of the advice in this thread to heart, it’s meant with the best intention.
<small>[ 10-28-2002, 02:07 PM: Message edited by: Valentine Frankenstein ]</small>October 28, 2002 at 4:24 pm #72347
</font><blockquote><font>quote:</font><hr><font> don’t mix herb and beer until you get more practice, if ever. </font><hr></blockquote><font>DAMN!
</font><blockquote><font>quote:</font><hr><font>and don’t have beer before liquor either. </font><hr></blockquote><font>DOUBLE DAMN!
</font><blockquote><font>quote:</font><hr><font> Everyone I knew did these things, yet no one I knew was really happy with how they felt about themselves or where their life was going </font><hr></blockquote><font>Everything always seems hollow at parties, I can never figure it out. I’m not really much of a hardy partier, But I still go to one every coupla months to remind myself. strange days.October 29, 2002 at 10:26 am #72348
Go Malc! Bout time you kicked loose kid. All sounds like a blast cept for the drink driving nonsense. Still, one more chapter in life that you now have experience of, so it’s all good. And ending up on a strangers bathroom floor – genius for your first time, pure genius. The stuff that can’t be taught.
My tip – don’t fill a pint glass with vodka, gin, curacao, martini, bitters, grand marnier, baileys, absinthe and champagne and neck it. Vision goes funny, you think you are a comic genius when all you are doing is grunting with your pants round your ankles, ladies do not find you attractive, and chances are you may be sick.October 29, 2002 at 9:27 pm #72349
Wonderful, now I’m impressing people with my ability to vomit. <img>October 30, 2002 at 10:19 am #72350
I can’t say that I’m impressed with your ability, as I was not present to witness (it’s a fine line getting the perfect trajectory, texture, sound effects etc). No – balls, vomit has never impressed, but if you’re gonna sit on a moral highground, you at least need to know what’s going down on the amoral lowground, and now you do.
Just to clarify, I am not saying that you currently do sit on the moral highground – just in case you do climb those righteous stairs. There’s nothing that makes me angrier than people passing judgement without first hand experience of what they are judging. Now, you will be able to say with conscience clear "Look at that poor deluded fool, lying on a strangers bathroom, vomiting in his own hair" for you truly understand what it is to be he.
Yer "Time has told me" lyric impressed though, you rare, rare find….
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