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  • #51811
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    Annastefka
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    Well, I’ve been on a television freeze so I’m happy to report I’ve seen none of the media’s take on the shootings in Colorado but my astrological friends were all very quick to forward a birthchart which shows his (don’t remember his name, don’t want to)sun to be in the sign of Sagittarius. Then today on CNN and other web news pages, they have video footage of him in court saying “he appears dazed”…..I just thought I would point out, that that dazed look is not uncommon with Sag’s and you get to see a bit of it from J Mascis, well in a few videos but most recently the ones in which they visit the studio. I know this look well, I find it happens a lot when Sag’s are confronted with their feelings. Most often the “feeling” they feel, the one that they are most comfortable with, is one that sort of flows along the line of “why do I feel my freedom has been totally compromised?” Then bummerdom sets in…and then the stare reflex. I’ve noticed it before with other friends…it will make you stop and ask them..”What are you thinking about?”
    I’m sorry Sag’s that y’all have had to add another nut to your box…but each sign has at least a few that just can’t seem to fly right.
    In the words of J Mascis, my Mother and a few professors, “What Else is New”?

    #139132
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    Annastefka
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    Help….just thought I would add to my above post….My husband and I are taking care of his Mother right now because she is unable to be alone and has been given just a short time to live. One of the things that people who are stuck in bed do a lot is watch TV. It is truly one of the most frightening things for me to do….the relentless advertising and the amazing amount of bullshit that pours out nonstop 24 hours a day is…..well, BULLSHIT (kind of like my freakscene posts really, ha,ha) Any-Who….recently on the television and even on the NPR news, there was a lot of talk…trying to analyze the reason behind…senseless violent acts…like the shooting of people in a movie theatre or worshiping in a mosque. I heard that they have issued 23 subpoenas in the case of the guy that shot up the mosque…because they want to try and figure out “why he did it”. I’ve had my astrological friends sending me the birth charts of these folks. All I can say is “REALLY?” I’m overwhelmed right now working and raising my kids, helping my Mother-in- Law to die, helping my husband to face it, helping his brothers to face each other in the midst of it, helping my children to understand it…and it’s put me in a position of having little energy left for anything else….but “REALLY?” Do we not all understand that some people become un-fucking-glued?….I think we can all agree that some people do..for whatever reason. It must be some feeling of powerlessness combined with some sort of lack of love or caring caused some sort of lack of empathy or something, who the fuck knows what causes that? Was it lack of Mothering…was it a lack of love (or sex)…was it that, combined with a problem of a brain that wasn’t processing correctly due to eating food without any nutritional merit for years? Was it too much TV or other bullshit that we call entertainment these days? Is it an approach to 2012…I’ve had friends say we must become “unglued” in this dimension so we can “level up” and evolve out of this shit, which is the real meaning behind 2012. Okay… next… Maybe it’s the economy? I know my husband and I are making money come in the front door only to watch it hemorrhage out the back door. It’s kind of fucking funny and absurd at times. Is it our approach to the singularity (either Mckenna’s interpretation (more of a spiritual one) or Ray Kurzweil (more of a technological/wordly one). We ARE approaching a point of being confronted with more information in one day than say, I got in a whole year as a kid in 1975, and the acceleration is not stopping, I’m sure that’s overwhelming for some nervous systems. I could find 23 reasons for it but …..I guess it DOESN’T MATTER!!! I think we could save a whole lot of time by just saying that….right now, many of us are operating with lives that are glued together with the thinnest of thin set. I see it all around me. The only thing we do know is…. People become unglued..unhinged. Most of us have something that grounds us and keeps us whole, keeps us from losing our shit but obviously not everyone does. That’s it ….case closed. Why did either of these guys kill a bunch of random people….because they “lost their shit”.

    One bit of evidence we do have is that women don’t tend to lose their shit like that. Women are comfortable with the idea of surrender when life gets hard, men are not…..when men feel trapped or backed into a corner (he,he new dinosaur jr song reference) they have a war like attitude, they aren’t designed for surrender, they come out full of fury and fighting. Fuck yeah…I have a friend that fought in Viet Nam and he has shared lots of stories with me, stories that made me realize, instead of fighting in Viet Nam, I would have surrendered on the first day, I would have been waving the fucking flag of surrender on the airplane ride there, how very yin of me….I’m not into having to sleep in the jungle for nights with my gun locked and loaded and up against my head. Not taking your boots off for days and ending up with feet all infected and fucked up. Constantly having to stop and pull leach like things out of your ass crack. (Thanks Jeff Burt for all the details of jungle warfare otherwise I would have never known) Oh my God, give me a clean dry bed to sleep in! Man, I would have to tell the enemy, I will gladly come over to your side…and fucking clean your house, suck your dick, cook some rice for you…whatever it takes not to have to do that in the jungle. It doesn’t work that way for men. The only time a man feels the need to surrender is to the idea of love. It doesn’t matter if it’s their Mother, girlfriend, wife…just someone who loves them and feeds them physically, sexually and spiritually. Working 24/7 at calming their asses down. That’s why the world is so fucked up right now…Hey, at least I think I’ve found #1 of 23 reasons why some men come unglued.

    Perhaps we should open love centers for fucked up men like that. I’m not sure how that would work or what kind of women you might have working there but I think giving them love would be a good start. I bet none of those dumb asses had anyone loving on them. Oh, perhaps it’s a catch 22 and the reason why none of those dumb asses had anyone to love them was because they were dumb asses. Oh, we do live in a confusing world. In the words of Terence Mckenna…”Can’t solve all problems”.

    I suppose women, because we have children, have a built in need and desire to give love and be loving. We don’t need love and attention like men do. Also, in order to feed our offspring and keep them safe we have had to learn to REEL it in and not lose our shit. The love of our children sustains us in times we feel less than love from our husbands. Not that my husband is not a loving guy, he’s just out in the world battling daily, it’s like a built in drive for men. The only way I’ve found to help men to settle down is to show them that you (their woman) is satisfied..is happy…is grounded…is loving, is at peace. I’ve had to build my own fucking spiritual/love lifeboat… In it my one Gemini twin says to the other “everything is good and it’s all unfolding according to plan. There is nothing to worry about…life isn’t that hard, it’s kind of funny and fun…it’s a roller coaster with rises and dips and has thrills but at the end of the ride for everybody is the door called death and nothing that you achieve on this Earthly ride fits through that door with you…. so you can stop killing yourself with fear or worry about it, it’s ALL good”. Then I go…”Oh yeah, you’re right…Thanks I forgot”. Then I have to reflect all that info back to my husband and my kids in my attitude toward life.

    A world without the love of a woman is terrible for men and children. I don’t know…that seems to be the only reason I can come up with for a man who becomes that unglued.
    Oh well, I’m just processing out loud.

    I started off this long winded bullshit post by saying..I’ve been stuck watching TV with my Mother-in-Law because she has lost all of her mobility…and sometimes we read together, sometimes we listen to music, sometimes we just talk but we have had the TV on A LOT…URGGGGG and if it wasn’t for that reason, I would never have seen so much of the Olympics….and I have seen A LOT of olympics recently. God Bless my husbands Mom. As I bitch about TV, I had the blessing to see something that kind of blew my mind on the TV the other night. Yeah, I can’t believe I said it either. I got to see a woman named Meseret Defar of Ethiopia win a race….a gold medal in the 5,000 meters. It was an incredible race…and I was blown away by how much running that is (distance). There was a beauty to it but also an ugliness for me because watching a body being pushed to it’s extreme is brutal. I’m just too fucking slack for that shit…if I’m going to be pushing my body that fast…something horrible is after me or my kids. I was making my Mother-in-law laugh by telling her funny things like…look, look at the girl from Ethiopia, she has a body shaped just like yours (her disease has taken her down to just over 100 lbs). I told her, I’m going to start calling you “my Ethiopian Mother”. Just after this beautiful Meseret Defar crossed the finish line first…she was gasping and overcome and the cameras were right in her face….I don’t know if any of you saw it, but she opened her shirt and was sort of grabbing at her chest. My Mother-in-Law was asking me…”what’s happening, what’s she doing” and I told her, “she’s probably having a heart attack, I know I would if I ran that fucking fast for that long”. Then she took out of her shirt, this small prayer flag and unrolled it…and she was crying emotionally and right there on the TV we saw this powerful image of the Virgin. Both my Mother-in-Law and I are huge fans of the Virgin Mary….so it kind of stopped us in our tracks and I…..was so charmed by this….Thank You, Thank You, THANK YOU….Meseret Defar…the eyes of a lot of the world were on you and you took the opportunity to give a shout out to MOTHERING. You were saying in your own way….don’t look at me look at the Mother. The world is in some sort of chaos right now…..but it’s nothing that a little bit of Mothering couldn’t straighten out. IMHO!

    Lack of love in the world = fucked up people.

    sorry if the punctuation is screwed up…I just sort of wrote with the flow….today, was my day to be at home and my husbands day to be with his Mom. I’ve had to work tirelessly at not losing my shit these past few weeks…staying strong for my kids and my husband. No one will ever love my husband like his Mother does and it’s a slow goodbye. My goodbye with my Mom came suddenly and without warning. I always felt cheated out of closing words with her but this has made me realize that I sort of got off easy. My love for him is very close to his Mothers but still a million miles away. I drove by Vic Chesnuts house this morning and I was like…”Thanks Fucker for throwing in the towel” and it made me wonder WTF is wrong. I felt the need to come home and process something outloud and I used Freakscene as my own personal blog again. Conclusion is…LOVE. A Mothers love is the perfect example of how love works. It just comes naturally! Who Mothers the Mother? The Holy Mother! Thanks be to Jah for the understanding!

    I started this thread off with interesting Sag insights because in keeping with making fun of all my peeps, I have been enjoying that dazed look or attitude that Sag’s get when surrounded by what they feel is too much shit. They just run out to pasture in their own minds and being a fan of J Mascis you got to fuck with the Sag’s, I would love to fuck with Cancers and Capricorns, but I’ve found they don’t have the same ability to enjoy the jokes. My sister, a Cancer, will just stare at me silent for a few and then ask me “Do you really think that’s funny or something?” YES I DO. Oh, I just had an insight into Cancer/Scorpio (Tonas/King Tubby)/Pisces…water sign boys understand and appreciate surrendering to love but they also get to experience how painful that is, how vulnerable that is. Dictionary entry for vulnerable… 1) Exposed to the possibility of being attacked or harmed, either physically or emotionally. Why is it so hard for men to just be loving? My husband says it’s because men always have to be “on guard” because the world is a fucked up place. My favorite line lately for my Sag friends is…honey badger only gives a shit about something if it somehow relates to him, no, that’s not true, honey badger just doesn’t give a shit. Which is seriously why…it’s a rather rare event for Sag’s to lose their shit like the guy at the movie theater because #1..they are sort of low level losing their shit minute by minute when they are geared up and in a way that keeps the shit from building up…and #2…deep down inside, despite the fact that it seems that are constantly on the edge of losing their shit…the truth is…like the honey badger…they don’t really give a shit. Which is a paradox I know.

    My God…I feel a good song coming up! Vic the Scorpio…vulnerable…if only you could have adjusted the attitude by adjusting the altitude “pull up…pull up, dear friend” into your Holy Mothers arms…now, you see, all is clear and you can fly right.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7z1xTn6pIb8&feature=related

    #139133
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    urlivingalloverme
    Participant

    Hurts to be a water sign.

    #139134
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    Hybridge
    Participant

    Sympathies re. your suegra, Annastefka. It’s August, the season’s contracting, turning to fall, which is tough for everyone. A skunk took one of our chickens this week, a timely bummer. I have to go back to work tomorrow, also challenging. Being cheerful helps; hang in there!

    As far as TV goes, if you get tired of the cable buffet you could watch public TV and/or dvds of something good. I’ve been watching Maigret, who is the total chit. If not on your local pbs station you can get the series on ebay. It’s in French with English subtitles–if you haven’t seen it, Maigret’s a detective, the show is set in the early 1950s or so, and the whole thing is incredibly fantastic. Bruno Cremer is the Man. He doesn’t know, doesn’t say much, is sympathetic, stoic, bien yin; the whole
    s l o w pacing, camera work, great acting, sets, the feel of the past, everything is entirely awesome–check it out if you get bored/horrified of the news.

    Regarding love, right on. From William Burroughs’ Last Words:

    “Anyone uses the term “bleeding heart” needs a bullet in his’n. I am a bleeding heart. I bleed for lost kittens in hopeless alleys, the neglected, rejected of the disintegrating societal house of cards.

    Be there a man

    with soul so dead

    never has throwed

    himself on a bed

    in aching spasms of

    “If only–“

    “Why didn’t I–“

    “Why did I–“

    Grief like that hurts”

    Thurston Moore’s Chelsea Light Moving uses the last lines of this journal (his last written words) for one of their new songs, Burroughs–

    “Love. What is it? Most natural painkiller what there is. LOVE.”

    #139135
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    Annastefka
    Participant

    Hybridge…Wow, those were great words…The water signs in my life lately, have taught me the greatest lesson..and that is to love until it hurts. That’s when you know what love is. I mastered text book love a long time ago but this was different. The lesson came at just the right time. Helping someone to die, holding their hand as they do it, has a point that gets pretty intense. In the middle of it, you understand “loving until it hurts”, Holy Shit! Thank God for the understanding that there is a time for everything and everything is in perfect order. Otherwise I would be down on the floor begging for someone to come and chop my broken heart out with a machete. Instead I’m just enjoying another fine day in Babylon minus a few folks.

    #139136
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    Rich
    Participant

    Hi

    #139137
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    Annastefka
    Participant

    RICH…..is alive!

    #139138
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    Rich
    Participant

    Yes I am! Life has just been so hectic for me, but thanks to a late night bout with insomnia I have returned for now!

    #139139
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    Annastefka
    Participant

    yup…life gets hectic from time to time….I’ve eased the stress now by waking up each day and eating a pot cookie…washing that down with a whole bunch of chocolate milk and standing on the side of the road with a sign that says “God loves You” and I point at the passengers in the vehicles and give them a little smile and nod….I share a corner with a guy that has a sign that reads…”I’m Mchungry …. when when you give me money…I’ll be Mc LOVIN’ you.

    GEEZ….I wish this post was true….I did see a homeless guy holding that sign the other day….and it brought tears to my eyes (from laughter)….I wish I could have given him a couple of bucks but as usual I was running late. Bummer.

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