Home Forums General Discussions Open Topic How internet pornography saved my life

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 18 total)
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  • #51304
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    Robert
    Participant

    Umm..well, no, not really. First of all, I’m not biased, nor prejudiced and I wouldn’t dream of saying that internet pornography is superior to other kinds of pornography. Like laserdisc pornography, VHS pornography or DVD pornography. It wouldn’t even cross my mind.

    Secondly, this isn’t about pornography at all. I just wanted you to get into this thread. And you did. So it worked. Yay ! for the allure of internet pornography and its life saving skills.

    This is the first evening in a while that I’m left to my own devices. We all know that robert + free time doesn’t quite add up to something productive and healthy. But I’m surprised how well I’ve handled it so far, I’ve got a nice fire going in the over, the trick is good kindling, and a stack of new vinyl to listen to. The new built to spill is on the platter right now. Hey, wait a minute. I remember years ago when a lot of stuff on the internets were advertised as the napster of porn. Then after a while myspace of porn was the new buzz word. Now it seems like the facebook of porn is the bees knee. And I really don’t get it. All you internet porn guys, if I want porn I want the porn of porn, don’t bother me with all your crudely constructed slogans and phrases. Ah, but I digress.

    Does anyone have some quality nap time they want to sell ? Or 5 extra minutes in the morning, I’m allways in the market for some extra minutes in the morning. And a good old fashioned teleporter, sans the horror movie side effects.

    #136933
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    girl
    Participant

    Do you know what I want to buy? The last 5 minutes of my life spent reading (Shut up! I’m a slow reader!) material that had nothing to do with porn. I even kept reading after you said No, this really isn’t about porn but rather a crudely planned out essay to trick you into selling me your nap times!

    But now that I am here and thoroughly have my feathers ruffled I would like to comment that I actually cut some kindling earlier!
    See!
    [img]http://www.pauladams.org/Images%20hand/Hand-1.jpg[/img]

    Giving high fives will never be the same for me again.

    #136934
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    Robert
    Participant

    Well, we both know that if I hadn’t lured you in here with the promise of porn there’s absolutely no way you would’ve even entered this thread. So I really feel you should applaud my entrepeneurial spirit ! A nice way of doing that would be by giving me a discount on some of your nap time. How about 30 seconds of each of your minutes ? I’ll bring the blanket.

    Also, I really like the manicure you’ve got going there. Fingerlicking good !

    #136935
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    girl
    Participant

    Why thank you! You should see me when I’m rocking some hot pink nail polish. You won’t even know what hit you when we have our nap time negotiations and I walk away with 53 seconds of each of your minutes. Oh wait, yes you will know what hit you…*whacks you with a pillow*

    One thing we can agree upon when we rule the internet porn bracket though is that fires are awesome. I’m staying at my mum and dad’s and they have a wood stove/fireplace and it makes you feel warm and cozy. At night I build it up pretty good, close the dampers and by morning when I get up all I have to do is stoke it a bit, add more wood and bask in its firery goodness.

    #136936
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    Robert
    Participant
    "girl" wrote:
    Why thank you! You should see me when I’m rocking some hot pink nail polish. You won’t even know what hit you when we have our nap time negotiations and I walk away with 53 seconds of each of your minutes. Oh wait, yes you will know what hit you…*whacks you with a pillow*

    Here I am, bringing a blanket and fuel for the fire and I’m greeted with tactics of confusion and pillow whacking ? If so, yippie !

    "girl" wrote:
    One thing we can agree upon when we rule the internet porn bracket though is that fires are awesome. I’m staying at my mum and dad’s and they have a wood stove/fireplace and it makes you feel warm and cozy. At night I build it up pretty good, close the dampers and by morning when I get up all I have to do is stoke it a bit, add more wood and bask in its firery goodness.

    Fiery goodness makes me stoked too, so yes, we can absolutely agree upon that. Will your business card have a picture of your hot pink nails and Ruler of the internet porn bracket written in radioactive yellow ?

    #136937
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    girl
    Participant

    Let me just start by saying that my mind read your response thusly:
    "Fiery goodness makes me stroke…"

    Then I thought Holy heat wave in Hawaii maybe this thread is taking a turn for the better! But then my vision stopped being blurry and perverted and now here we are. Slighty more disappointed then before. :lol:

    *hands out business cards in case only wants to sue Robert for false advertisment*

    #136938
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    Robert
    Participant

    Holy heat wave in Hawaii :lol: :!:

    I’m sorry that I keep on disappointing you, but you know that I’m an avid fan of fireplaces and I’m really worried that my norwegian wood will catch sparks if I resort to polishing it this close to the flames.

    #136939
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    girl
    Participant

    :lol:

    That’s okay, Robert. You could always just use my hairbrush to…brush my hair.

    #136940
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    Robert
    Participant

    Sweet. I’ll be more than happy to "brush" your "hair."

    #136941
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    girl
    Participant

    You put it in parentheses like it was code for something. :lol:

    Oh my, I should be feeling very tired right now. But I don’t! Hooray! And it is eerily warm out right now. Perfect boogie weather to bust some sweet moves with these guys. :devil: :ogre:

    #136942
    Avatar
    Robert
    Participant
    "girl" wrote:
    You put it in parentheses like it was code for something. :lol:

    :lol: Umm…
    *changes the subject without anyone noticing*
    Have you seen the latest Community episode ?

    "girl" wrote:
    Oh my, I should be feeling very tired right now. But I don’t! Hooray! And it is eerily warm out right now. Perfect boogie weather to bust some sweet moves with these guys. :devil: :ogre:

    That’s really impressive ! Warm ?! You mean it’s not below the freezing point ? Lucky !

    #136943
    Avatar
    girl
    Participant
    "Robert" wrote:
    😆 Umm…
    *changes the subject without anyone noticing*
    Have you seen the latest Community episode ?

    Robert changes the subject like he does his underwear…once a week. :lol:
    Abed as Batman = love
    Jeff in tight cowboy attire = dirty love
    Britta as a squirrel = adorable love
    Abed and Troy at the end nearly made me pee myself. :lol:

    Quote:
    That’s really impressive ! Warm ?! You mean it’s not below the freezing point ? Lucky !

    I’m running on 4 hours of sleep but today is so unseasonably warm and awesome that that in itself is fueling me. Now the wind is picking up though but I don’t mind. It feels good blowing up my skirt. :mrgreen:

    #136944
    Avatar
    Robert
    Participant
    "girl" wrote:
    Robert changes the subject like he does his underwear…once a week. :lol:
    Abed as Batman = love
    Jeff in tight cowboy attire = dirty love
    Britta as a squirrel = adorable love
    Abed and Troy at the end nearly made me pee myself. :lol:

    I couldn’t have said it better myself. Except for the underwear part that is, I think I would’ve written that in sign language.

    "girl" wrote:
    I’m running on 4 hours of sleep but today is so unseasonably warm and awesome that that in itself is fueling me. Now the wind is picking up though but I don’t mind. It feels good blowing up my skirt. :mrgreen:

    :lol: You should count yourself lucky that I’m a master at selfcensorship because that means I can stop typing right. Now.

    #136945
    Avatar
    girl
    Participant

    Was there an orginal point to this thread or is it one of those "Hey come on in but keep your pants on because this is a family establishment and we don’t let those kinds of things slide here" type topics?

    Because if it is then I want to add that fires are still good and after seeing him dance I want to steal Scott Spillane’s shoe. With his ankle bone still attached to it. :lol:

    #136946
    Avatar
    tonas
    Moderator

    So where’s the porn?

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