March 11, 2005 at 2:40 pm #47681
*** this one is in honor of the Michael Jackson fiasco ***
*** & the re-issues ***
Mommy & I are One Magazine
The Michael (Jackson) Issue (1997)
by Jessica Hundley
I sat with the charming and talented Dinosaur Jr at a very dirty and delicious restaurant in Chinatown, gobbling Pad Thai and discussing the nuances of the man named Mike.
MOMMY: We can talk about whatever you’d like, but I’d really prefer to talk about Mickael Jackson.
GEORGE: Those Jackson 5 cartoons are in syndication now, on the Cartoon Channel or something. They have a lot more songs that I like than I originally thought. I hear it and I’m like, "I love that song. That’s them?"
MIKE: He did a George Clinton song.
J MASCIS: Michael Jackson and monkey. Monkey and Michael Jackson.
MOMMY: Are you speaking of the infamous Jeff Koontz sculpture? Michael with his pal, Bubbles the Chip? The life-size porcelain figurine?
J: Yes. He apparently made three. One for this world premiere, one for Michael and one for the chimp.
GEORGE: It’s funny how Michael’s huge every where but here now.
J: I saw Prince get interviewed by Chris Rock and they were talking about Michael Jackson. It was great. Prince was like, "Yeah, everyone thought I was the freak and Michael was normal." Now, Prince seems perfectly normal. Michael’s the freak now.
GEORGE: I’d rather have babies with Prince.
MOMMY: I read an interview with Prince and Spike Lee. And Prince, although I love him dearly, was continuously spouting New Age bullshit. He kept saying things like, "I am at peace now that I have stopped ingesting all animal products." And at one point, he told Spike that he and his wife had known eachother for "thousands of years." And Spike was like, "What exactly do you mean by that?" And Prince just said, "I mean that we’ve know each other for thousands of years."
J: Yeah, figure it out for yourself, Spike.
GEORGE: Come on Spike, can’t you get with it?
MOMMY: Then, he has that "If I came back as a dolphin" song.
J: Oh yeah. And "What if God were one of us?" by Prince.
MIKE: That’s so insane.
J: Prince is one of my favorite guitar players, ever since I saw him play this blues riff.
MOMMY: I have a bootleg called The Jewel Box and it has this incredible blues version of "Alphabet Street"
GEORGE: Did anyone ever put out the Black Album?
MIKE: It’s been heavily bootlegged, at the wrong speed.
GEORGE: I got that album that says, "My name is Prince and I am funky. When it comes to funk, I am a junky!" That one I like.
MOMMY: Michael Jackson has a baby named Prince.
J: Really? What’s that all about?
MOMMY: Well, apparently, he has a great-grandfather named Prince. Or perhaps it’s some sort of homage or jibe. There was real competition once.
MOMMY: Frankly, I love Prince very, very much. But let’s save that for the "Prince Issue." You know J, you and Michael have both dabbled in acting. You wanna tell me a little bit about Grace of My Heart. Did you get to meet Martin Scorsese?
MOMMY: What was that like?
J: I don’t know. He was just like this short Italian dad. He was impressed by my acting. He was at the scene I did.
GEORGE: "Hey he’s good! Sign that kid!"
MOMMY: Did you enjoy it?
J: Yeah, I did.
GEORGE: He’s got another starring roll in a film. It has a limited run at a theater company on 42nd and 8th. You have to pay a quarter to get in and you have to keep putting quarters in or the slot will come down. (Everyone laughs at J’s expense.) Speaking of films, I just bought Michael’s Ben soundtrack. That’s hot. And I also bought the Music and Me.
MOMMY: The one where he’s holding a guitar on the cover, very awkwardly?
J: He’s like, "What’s this?"
GEORGE: In Westfield (Massachusetts), when Thriller came out, It was more famous for having a Eddie Van Halen guitar solo that being a Michael Jackson album.
J: He should have had Randy Rhodes.
MIKE: He had Nuno, too.
J: Who had Nuno? (Bettincourt, guitarist for Extreme.)
GEORGE: Michael Jackson. Western Mass’ own Nuno!
J: He’s from Western Mass?
GEORGE: He’s from Framingham.
J: Michael had Nuno!
GEORGE: And Steve Stevens.
J: Now there’s a major talent.
MOMMY: The "Dirty Diana" video. All that wind.
GEORGE: What about the woman?
J: I liked her hair. It’s kind of "Vixen." What about the "Incredible Kat?" She was the best.
GEORGE: The food here is actually really good.
J: Yeah, its great.
GEORGE: I bet Michael Jackson would like it.
J: I bet he would.
MOMMY: Do you think Michael molested that child?
GEORGE: I think he did. I think they’re gonna go after him. Bit I think it’s more like the parents sold the kid into prostitution.
MOMMY: I have only pity for Michael.
GEORGE: You have to admit there’s something weird going on. Did you read the Howard Stern book, the part about Michael?
MOMMY: No, but I did read Moonwalker, edited by Ms, Jacqueline Onassis and written by Michael himself.
GEORGE: Michael, himself and a bottle of painkillers.
J: Marvelous Mike the Moonwalker.
GEORGE: He’s got a strange kid thing going on.
J: He was deprived of his childhood.
MOMMY: Speaking of which, I was reading Michael Jackson: Unauthorized and there’s a great passage where as a boy, little Mike gets in trouble with Papa Joe Jackson. And Joe puts a gun to "lil Mike’s forehead and pulls the trigger. It’s not loaded but poor Mikey! As he’s running away in tears, Jeseph yells, "Never forget Michael: I AM THE JO-JO! I AM THE JO-JO!!!"
J: Oh my God. But then, I mean, then he did Look Sharp. So, you know….
GEORGE: Yeah. Then, Joe Jackson said, "Is she really going out with him?" I saw him on the subway.
J: Did you say, "Are you STill The Man?"
GEORGE: He was with a girl. He has that baked bean kind of look. Is he English? I always thought he was English.
J: Poor Mike, that kind of fame. No wonder he’s wacko.
MOMMY: Early fame and "The Jo-Jo."
GEORGE: Yeah, fame and a pyscho dad. He didn’t cope with it as well as Matt Dillon.
MOMMY: Did Matt Dillon have a psycho dad?
GEORGE: No, I’m just sayin’, you know early fame.
MOMMY: When did you first feel famous?
J: At one show, a guy had one of our album covers tattooed on his arm.
GEORGE: I remember touring and watching Cops one night. And they were going into some domestic dispute and a fat Mexican woman had a Dinosaur T-shirt on. And some teenage girl on Jerry Springer.
J: The T-shirts have been on Cops a couple of times actually, mostly people getting busted for pot.
MOMMY: I wonder if that happens to Michael.
GEORGE: I think Michael might be the black Robert Plant. He’s unintelligible, too. (sings) "Lemon! Lemon!." Another thing I heard was that he’s pissed his kid doesn’t look like him.
J: It doesn’t look like Diana Ross?
GEORGE: I like when the tabloid reported that his face fell off, like on a flight or something.
MOMMY: Yes. Sadly, there seems to be something wrong.
J: His nose is taped on.
MIKE: I talked with someone who did the "Earth Song" video. And he said he saw Michael without make-up and he looked just like Frankenstein. Scars everywhere. And he had a boy with him at all times.
GEORGE: You know, if I could afford a hyperbaric chamber, I’d get one too.
J: God love him.April 10, 2005 at 3:23 pm #107693
Funniest read in a long time! Probably since Rich explained about that dog chasing a pigeon in that mall that turned out to be the yankee(sp?) stadium.June 27, 2009 at 12:52 pm #107694
Bump this one back on up todayJuly 11, 2009 at 5:18 am #107695
Is it true?Michael Jackson had his penis removed because of problem to urinate?From a 2005 internet informati?
It says that Michael Jackson had his penis removed because his skin disease was causing a deformation that was causing problems with his ability to urinate ! It says that Michael didn’t say anything about it in order not to have an embarrassment all over the world for the rest of his life ?
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