Home Forums General Discussions Open Topic The Malcom Report 7/18: Re: The Malcom Report 7/18:


Mother would never let me use the word "telly". Wasn’t too keen on me saying bollocks or snogging either come to think of it. Have never in my life had kippers for brekkie. Rules of cricket are simple – somone chucks a ball at you, you twat it, if it goes straight over the boundary without bouncing, 6 runs, with, 4 runs, or else you get as many runs as possible between the two sets of stumps. If someone catches you, you’re out, if someone hits your stumps with the ball whilst bowling, you’re out, if the ball hits your legs and will pitch in line with the stumps (ie your legs are preventing you being balled out) you’re out (LBW – leg before wicket).

Shame ’bout Amanda, kiddo, but chin up. There’s a lot worse things in this world than being friends with a girl you like. I dread to think how many girls I’ve liked who I haven’t really known, and certainly haven’t known me, so at least you’re one up on me there. Who knows what’ll happen next time you get her horribly drunk and she gets all emotional?

Have fun at the musicy-thingy-whodjamawhatsit.

To take limey disease one step further, perhaps consider slipping these pearls into discourse.

cor blimey, guvnor.
it’s brass monkeys in ‘ere.
tally ho!