Whats the first thing a soprano does in the morning?
She puts on her cloths and goes home.
A man goes to the doctors office one day and says "you gotta help me doc, I haven’t had a bowel movement in over a week!" So the doctor gives him a laxitive prescription and sends him on his way.
The next week the man comes back again "It didn’t work doc, still nothing." So the doctor gives him a stronger laxative and sends him home.
The next week the man comes back in and say "Doctor, I don’t know whats wrong, I still haven’t had a bowel movement!" So the doctor looks at him and say "what do you do for a living?" The man says "Why, I’m a musician"
"Oh" the doctor replies, "here’s ten bucks, go buy yourself something to eat."
How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb?
-one but he breaks about six before he realizes you can’t push them in.
-two, one to hold the bulb, and the other turns the throne.